How to overcome shyness in communication, relationships, public speaking, at school, and at work.

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What are some ways to overcome shyness to have good communication with everyone?

Being in English Communication Training Business for 15+ years, I can with confidence claim that Communication Skills and Confidence Development is a life long process.

Here are my tips:

1. First improve your language skills: Let’s say you want to communicate effectively in English, then you need to work on certain aspects of language, that need improvement. To start with Grammar, vocabulary, sentence structure, use of phrases and idioms. You may take a course from a professional reputed English Training Institute in your area or a reputed Online Course. Raymond Murphy’s Essential English Grammar is an excellent workbook to improve English grammar.

2. Enhance Your Body Language: Stand in front of mirror, speak to Your mirror image, observe your body language and make improvements in gestures, postures, facial expressions, eye contact and body movements. Remember your body communicates much more than words.

3. Work on Your Voice Tone: It is said your voice tone communicates much more than your words. Take help of a voice coach and improve your tone, pitch, pace, pause and voice modulation.

4. Eliminate Shyness or Develop Confidence in Communication: My personal observation is one develops confidence in a skill by practicing it over and over. Speak with strangers, take up training in Public Speaking, debate in groups, initiate conversation, video record your speeches and notice areas of improvements. Work on where you are lacking.

How to overcome shyness in communication

Are you a natural introvert or a shy person looking to improve your communication skills? The key to being a strong verbal communicator is confidence.
In this post are 5 simple ways you can boost your confidence and improve your verbal communication skills.

  • Always give your opinion

When in meetings, always ensure you participate, however big or small your input is. A common misconception is for shy people is to think their opinions aren’t valuable, but this definitely isn’t true! Always offer your opinion – you wouldn’t have been asked to attend the meeting if colleagues didn’t want your contribution.

  • Don’t dwell on your mistakes – let things go

Did you stutter over the phone or send out an email with an error? Don’t overanalyse these accidents! These small mistakes happen to everyone- it does not mean you are unable to communicate effectively.
Take these accidents as experiences you want to learn from. Going forward focus on how you will improve your communication skills as opposed to wasting time and energy worrying about a past mistake. What’s done is done, so learn from it and move on.

  • Practice presenting

When the opportunity arises for you to present to your team, seize the opportunity and use it as a way to enhance your communication skills and challenge yourself.

Always allow a few days beforehand to rehearse. When it comes developing your communication skills practice makes perfect. Use your partner, kids or even your dog to present to at home. You can also present to yourself in the mirror or set up a camera and film yourself presenting so you can see how you come across.

The more you rehearse before the presentation, the more comfortable you will be with your yourself! This will allow you stand more confidentially when presenting to the team. Don’t forget to make eye contact with the audience throughout your presentation, this will make you appear confident and in control.  

  • Join a network outside of work

Networking is a great way to build up your confidence! People with shy personalities fear their opinions may be judged amongst colleagues at work so will limit sharing their thoughts in conversation. You are likely to feel much more comfortable speaking amongst people you don’t see every single day.

This habit of offering your point of view through networking will eventually allow you to do the same in the office.

  • Ease yourself out of your comfort zone

All progress takes place outside your comfort zone! You can set small goals to work towards this. For example, your weekly goal could be to raise a point in a meeting. Forcing yourself to take steps that make you nervous is the only way to grow.
These goals do not have to only apply to work related scenarios. You can broaden your horizons outside of work. For example, running a marathon for charity. This is a tough goal to work towards. This will allow you to meet likeminded individuals along the way, build your confidence in another area and it’s something to use as a point of conversation back in the office!

As a naturally shy individual, these tips may be painful to implement at first but I promise if you stick at them you will find your confidence growing which will instantly result in stronger communication skills!

How to overcome shyness in public speaking

Fear of public speaking is a common form of anxiety. It can range from slight nervousness to paralyzing fear and panic. Many people with this fear avoid public speaking situations altogether, or they suffer through them with shaking hands and a quavering voice. But with preparation and persistence, you can overcome your fear.

These steps may help:

1. Know your topic. The better you understand what you’re talking about — and the more you care about the topic — the less likely you’ll make a mistake or get off track. And if you do get lost, you’ll be able to recover quickly. Take some time to consider what questions the audience may ask and have your responses ready.

2. Get organized. Ahead of time, carefully plan out the information you want to present, including any props, audio or visual aids. The more organized you are, the less nervous you’ll be. Use an outline on a small card to stay on track. If possible, visit the place where you’ll be speaking and review available equipment before your presentation.

3. Practice, and then practice some more. Practice your complete presentation several times. Do it for some people you’re comfortable with and ask for feedback. It may also be helpful to practice with a few people with whom you’re less familiar. Consider making a video of your presentation so you can watch it and see opportunities for improvement.

4. Challenge specific worries. When you’re afraid of something, you may overestimate the likelihood of bad things happening. List your specific worries. Then directly challenge them by identifying probable and alternative outcomes and any objective evidence that supports each worry or the likelihood that your feared outcomes will happen.

5. Visualize your success. Imagine that your presentation will go well. Positive thoughts can help decrease some of your negativity about your social performance and relieve some anxiety.

6. Do some deep breathing. This can be very calming. Take two or more deep, slow breaths before you get up to the podium and during your speech.

7. Focus on your material, not on your audience. People mainly pay attention to new information — not how it’s presented. They may not notice your nervousness. If audience members do notice that you’re nervous, they may root for you and want your presentation to be a success.

8. Don’t fear a moment of silence. If you lose track of what you’re saying or start to feel nervous and your mind goes blank, it may seem like you’ve been silent for an eternity. In reality, it’s probably only a few seconds. Even if it’s longer, it’s likely your audience won’t mind a pause to consider what you’ve been saying. Just take a few slow, deep breaths.

9. Recognize your success. After your speech or presentation, give yourself a pat on the back. It may not have been perfect, but chances are you’re far more critical of yourself than your audience is. See if any of your specific worries actually occurred. Everyone makes mistakes. Look at any mistakes you made as an opportunity to improve your skills.

10. Get support. Join a group that offers support for people who have difficulty with public speaking. One effective resource is Toastmasters, a nonprofit organization with local chapters that focuses on training people in speaking and leadership skills.

If you can’t overcome your fear with practice alone, consider seeking professional help. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a skills-based approach that can be a successful treatment for reducing fear of public speaking.
As another option, your doctor may prescribe a calming medication that you take before public speaking. If your doctor prescribes a medication, try it before your speaking engagement to see how it affects you.

Nervousness or anxiety in certain situations is normal, and public speaking is no exception. Known as performance anxiety, other examples include stage fright, test anxiety and writer’s block. But people with severe performance anxiety that includes significant anxiety in other social situations may have social anxiety disorder (also called social phobia). Social anxiety disorder may require cognitive behavioral therapy, medications or a combination of the two.

How to overcome shyness in a relationship

Trying to overcome your shyness in a relationship? Shy persons frequently have difficulties in their life as a result of communication problems. Relationship troubles are directly caused by obstructed communication, which can significantly disrupt a person’s life. The truth is that healthy and positive interpersonal interactions bring out the best in each other. Love and adoration have a beneficial effect on a person, causing them to feel calm, at ease, and confident.

In their relationships, many people deal with shyness. For different reasons, this sensation can become quite an issue when it comes to personal relations between partners. Shyness, for example, might make the other person feel unwanted, like a burden, or even worse, lead to toxic behaviors.

It’s similar to overcoming shyness as a boyfriend or coping with shy girlfriend issues. This “problem” is widespread, and the solutions are frequently the same.


Practical tips on how to stop being shy in a relationship

1. Take a Look at Yourself

The first step in how not to be shy in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend is to self-reflect to find answers to some important questions. Are you shy, or do you have low self-esteem? There is a huge difference between these states of mind. While low self-esteem and shyness have similar “symptoms,” the “cure” may vary.

2. How to See the Difference

Ask yourself if you think there is something wrong with you for being shy. If the answer is yes, you likely have lowered self-esteem. You should think of what drags your self-perception down and think of ways to eliminate this weight.
If you ask yourself the same question and the answer is “it’s just the way I am,” the scenario may be different. The first thing to acknowledge is the fact that you’re just like that!

In both scenarios, you should never forget that your partner chose you because of your personality and other traits, including shyness and self-esteem. So, if you want to not be shy and awkward, let’s proceed to the next section.

3. Silence and Shame Aren’t Good For You

You can stop being quiet at any moment. Why not do this now when you want to overcome your insecurity? Talk with your partner about how you feel. Finding the courage to talk about this is an excellent starting point in a journey of how to be less shy and more confident.
Don’t hide and bottle up your feelings. Your partner is highly likely to be grateful for the honesty and provide you with the support you may need. It’s not necessary to fight your battles alone, and you can be less shy in the relationship through the support of your partner.

4. A Simple Talk Can Change a Lot

Having a chat is the simplest trick to stop being shy around boyfriend or girlfriend, yet it is quite effective! Remember that talking to a partner is effective even if you don’t have something important to say.
Chatter is an ice breaker – it does not matter whether you are in a relationship or not.
[Read also: How You Can Attain The Joys Of A Strong Relationship]

5. Shyness Can Manifest Differently

Relationships do not become a fantasy movie overnight. It may sound weird, but shy people can rush things because they feel that they owe openness and other things to their partner. Going all-in is often an unhealthy habit that can create a chasm between people.

Other shy people take a long time to become comfortable around their partners. Shyness often leads them to be extra cautious about everything. Such behavior can be damaging as well. Your significant other can develop a feeling of being watched all the time – no need to explain why this is bad.
Giving yourself time to get to know your partner is a great way to develop self-confidence. Natural progress is called so for a reason. You will become more comfortable with your significant other and go from shy to confident without noticing it because you will find your comfort zone!
Once again, natural progression depends on open communication. Keep that in mind.

6. Take a Look at Your Habits and Use Them

Natural progression is awesome, but you can take advantage of your surroundings and use them to your advantage.

7. Fake It Till You Make It Works Only For Some

Pretending to be confident can be harmful in many ways. While it works for some people and can boost their confidence, it does not work for most people. Body language is important, but it could also lead to complications in a relationship.

8. Nonverbal Communication

Comfort plays a vital role in overcoming shyness. If you think that your partner is way too expressive with their feelings, say this. You can easily state that you want to keep intimate gestures away from other people. It takes courage, but you will be able to be not as shy in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend by creating borders for nonverbal communication.

9. Suggest Your Ideas!

Try suggesting your own types of leisure activities. Shyness often comes with a feeling of being pushed around. Instead, you can state that this one thing might be a fantastic experience for you both. This way, you are able to express your desires for a date or any common activity while continuing to shape your environment and introducing your partner to your interests!

How to stop being shy and quiet at school

1. Start sitting in the front benches so that the teachers may get to notice you.

2. Make friends outside your class/section.

3. Raise your hand and answer to the questions of the teachers even if you doubt in it’s accuracy.

4. If you’re having problems in speaking(like Viva), then try to explain the concept to yourself more confidently, so that you don’t get screwed in front of the teachers

5. Smile and speak. Whenever you’re talking to someone, try to smile more to that person. Smiling breeds confidence you know.

6. If you feel nervous in a situation, try to just laugh it off and take it easy. I try to laugh at myself to get myself out of any embarrass situation.

7. Do everything you want so that you won’t be regretful in future for not doing a particular task (like participating in some school activities, hanging out with friends or even answering up questions )

Just keep in mind that if anything embarrassing happens, nobody will remember it forever. Live your life confidently, freely, be careless about “what others might think of you”.

How to overcome shyness at work

Starting a brand new job can be incredibly daunting. It would be great if we could all skip right to the part where we feel confident in our new role and have good working relationships with our colleagues – yet these things require effort. Fitting in with your new work environment and becoming confident in your role are the key ingredients to a happy work life.
If you are someone who is naturally shy, this just adds to the pressure of starting a new job. Being shy in the workplace can make you feel insecure, and can affect your career progress. So what can you do to overcome shyness in a new job?

  • Determine what makes you shy

Try to figure out what it is that actually makes you shy in your new role. Do you find someone intimidating? Are you lacking confidence in the role itself? Are you simply shy because it is a new role, or is it anxiety? Getting to the core of the problem will help you to understand why you are feeling this way and may lead to a solution.
Feeling uncomfortable and isolating yourself in a new role can lead to an unhappy work life. So if you feel this way, never be afraid to confide in someone you trust. You are never alone!

  • Ask questions

When you’re feeling shy, the very last thing you want is for the spotlight to be on you. This can hinder any desire to interact with and get to know your colleagues. However, if you take the focus off yourself and ask questions, it will show that you are genuinely interested in getting to know that person, all while taking the pressure off yourself. This will make it much easier to make connections with your colleagues.

  • Find common ground with your colleagues

This essentially leads on from the previous point – once you’ve got to know your colleagues a little better through asking questions, begin to find common ground with them. When you have something in common to talk about, this will make them seem much more approachable.

  • Plan after work activities

Team-building exercises are a fun and lighthearted way to get to know your colleagues. Whether it’s after work drinks or a fun group activity, it’s the perfect way to break the ice and get involved. Seeing your colleagues out of the workplace environment might also make them seem a lot less intimidating than they were before.

  • Give it time

Remember that it is completely normal to feel shy in a new job, and  it will take time to get settled in and feel comfortable in your new surroundings with your new colleagues. Learn as you go along, take a few mental notes and keep an open mind. Settling into a new role will always demand patience and effort.

  • Be yourself

Keep in mind that out of the hundreds of candidates that applied for your position, you are the one who landed the role. Instead of wasting time feeling afraid, allow your personality, skills and qualities to shine because at the end of the day, that is why you are there.

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